New Practices--Part I

We are constantly evolving as a family of five. In this evolution we are making changes, adjusting, tinkering, and hopefully finding the right mix in raising our boys. Thankfully, I am happy to report a few recent changes have made huge differences in our day-to-day. Turning over a few new leaves in Gasperini-Ville has been just the antidote to cure some building ills... The results are worth reporting. We have found success and it feels awesome!! I thought I'd take a couple days to talk about a few of these changes, the resulting adjustment, and eventual success.

For some readers, our anecdotes may provide a light bite and opportunity for laughter; for others, I hope it offers you some food for thought as you take on the daily challenges of raising children. I am always eager to hear what's working for other parents... If anything, this will offer a distinct look at life in Gasperini-Ville for posterity (read: when our grandchildren are acting up, all we'll have to do is look back and see how much work it took to raise their fathers! lol.)

You see, we Gasperinis are not he most patient, most attentive, most obedient lot in the world. And who is? Yet a mama's intuition was sensing we needed CHANGE and now. We were all beginning to buckle under some dreadful old habits, which were fine at one point in our evolution, but now needed some sprucing and updating for our survival. In general, the kids are getting older and with age comes greater responsibility. We laughed the other day when pulling into the church parking lot as M said, "I don't want to be four anymore; I want to be three again" because he didn't want to attend Mass, but rather head straight to the church nursery. ;) And while it is tempting for parents to give in and "baby" their precious children, GG and I know in our hearts that challenging our little guys will do wonders for their future maturity, responsibility, etc. I have been especially inspired by the book Parenting With Love and Logic, by Foster W. Cline and Jim Fay. It has helped to equip me with a proper perspective as I face the daily battles ensuing in Gasperini-Ville!

One of the first slight alterations we've made of late is the requirement of boys to be dressed in order to be served breakfast (I also applied this one to myself!). I know this change might seem rather insignificant and something the rest of the world figured out years ago, but remember, we're Gasperinis. Such a change has made waves in Gasperini-Ville--and good ones. We had gotten into a horrible rut of rolling out of bed and into our day, facing the day's tasks unkempt and unenthusiastic. I was constantly having to will the boys to get dressed--who wouldn't want to stay in his jammies all day? It wasn't uncommon for me to have to take clothes to the car because someone wasn't yet dressed before we headed out on an errand. When I would finally have them dressed, clothes would often be strewn all over the house (and car!), beckoning my extra energy to round them up in order to get laundry done. What a mess!! Something had to change.

So GG and I made the simple rule that no one was to be served breakfast without being dressed. The first morning we instituted this iniative, we met disaster. We managed a tearful and overly dramatic M, who is often rigid in the midst of change. In the heat of the moment, GG and I were tempted to get annoyed with one another and back down, BUT WE DIDN'T! We stuck it out and tried to maintain relative peace and order (at least with one another). After thirty minutes of tantrums and general unhappiness, the boys and I found ourselves dressed and around the breakfast table, ready to tackle the day. Day one was over and accomplished. Whew!

The next day, M (having had a recent birthday) had new toys with which to play and was engrossed. "Breakfast will be served for the next 20 minutes," I said as I laid his clothes outside the playroom. T had already decided to get dressed (his appetite winning him over) and was eating his cereal. The three of us (Baby J included) had an enjoyable breakfast and delightfully cleared our places, going on with our day. At this point, I gave M one last reminder that breakfast was soon to be over. No response--he was too enthralled with playtime to make getting dressed and eating breakfast a priority.

An hour and a half later, M came running up to me, "Mom, I'm so hungry. It's time for my breakfast." Mind you, at this time, he was completely naked, having tried to dress himself so that he could receive his meal. "Oh, I'm sorry, " I replied, "breakfast was over long ago. You'll have to wait for lunch, which we'll be having soon." "But I want my cereal," M retorted to which I replied, "Well, you'll have to look forward to that tomorrow. Why don't we get you dressed and ready for lunch?" And that was the end of it. Can you guess who was first to be dressed and ready to go the next morning? Now, I can barely get out of the shower before I have M running up to remind me that it's time for breakfast! Nice change!!

The following morning, my belovedly stubborn T was having a rough one. In his two-year-old wisdom, he was unwilling to get undressed and submit to the 2 seconds of being cold in order to put on his clothes. I knew how hungry he was, so I knew that despite his stubborn nature, he'd come around. At the steps he cried, "Mommy, I want breakfast." I replied, "We'll enjoy having you once you're dressed. Are you ready to put on your clothes?," "No!" said T. This exchange went back-and-forth for a little while, until M and I officially began eating and (overly) enjoying our breakfast. "Wow, this is so yummy. I love waffles and syrup," I exaggerated. This was all too much for our T, who immediately said, "Mommy, I'm ready to get dressed. Will you help me?" "Sure," I smiled--this was all music to my ears.

Since then, it has been smooth sailing and somewhat amazing to have this new practice as part of our daily routine. We are more efficient with our time; we are ready to go at a moment's notice; we are higher functioning and generally more pleasant in the mornings. That is, unless it's Saturday. Saturdays are off-limits. PJ's are allowed in full force at breakfast... and as long as the boys would like to wear them. Now, isn't that nice? I just love a little compromise.

As I mentioned in my last post, we've still have many hang-ups in our days, but I would venture to say they'd be a lot worse without this new practice in place. I am less frazzled and more patient as a result. 

Next Up Tomorrow: our new bib-wearing policy--get excited!! ;)

God bless you today, even if you ate your breakfast in jammies!!  Hugs and prayers,